i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i think i just lost a toe
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
