remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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