thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
