Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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