My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
