it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh god it's open bar.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
