i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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