Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
