Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
