If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
