so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
