Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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