he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
