My room smells like vodka and shame
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
