Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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