Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
