i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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