I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
