I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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