Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
