You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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