i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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