is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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