wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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