You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
