hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
