You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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