none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
