pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
