Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
