I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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