Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
