Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
