I want to stick my p in your. b.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
