I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
