ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
