Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
