but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
