he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
