There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
