girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
