so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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