So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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