I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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