it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
