There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
this hospital has no fireball
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
