I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
