I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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