No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i love accidental penises.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
