I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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